, , , ,

Mental Health Moment Ep 69: – Pear trees in Tulsa

Check out Lori’s daily Mental Health Moment podcast!

Sometimes you just need a quick dose of encouragement to keep you moving. Dealing with stress and anxiety is all about using what you have to find peace and calm right in the middle of your busy life.

Check out this episode where Lori talks about the importance of growth.

You can catch other episodes at mymentalhealthmoment.com.

You don’t know how much you’ve grown until you have to step up and do something useful. Here’s a little lesson about growth from two little pear trees in Tulsa, OK.

You can listen to this episode right here! 👆

And don’t forget to subscribe to hear future episodes of Mental Health Moment wherever you are! 


Get Mental Health Moment 🎧

in your inbox every day.


Full transcript 👇

Ep 69: Pear Trees in Tulsa

I don’t think these trees are in Tulsa, but you get the idea. 😜

Hi. I’m Lori Miller and this is your Mental Health Moment.

The first house my husband and I lived in was in Tulsa, OK. It was a small house, just a smidge less than 1,000 square feet, but it had pretty much what we needed at the time as a young dual income, no kids couple.

There were a couple of floor to ceiling windows on the front of the house that let in some nice light. They were my favorite because they made the house feel bigger than it was. So I was always pulling the shades up.

While those windows were the house’s best feature, in the afternoon they were the absolute worst feature.

You see, the front part of the house faced the west, which means we got some brutal sun and heat in the afternoon — right in those windows. If you’ve experienced Midwest summer heat you know what I’m talking about.

The best shades and blinds were no match for the hellish heat waves coming through that glass. In the afternoon I felt like Woody in Toy Story under Sid’s magnifying glass. It was a real bear cooling that house in the summer.

When we first moved in, we noticed two, awkward young trees planted in the front yard.

Two non-fruit-bearing pear trees I was told.

I couldn’t imagine why you would not want pears from your pear tree. I’m guessing maybe the landlord didn’t want the mess from uncollected ripe fruit.

Anyway, these two little guys were planted about 20 feet apart from each other. They weren’t impressive in any way and to be honest, they were pretty scrawny.

They offered no protection from anything really, you couldn’t sit under them, and honestly they weren’t even that pretty. And apparently they weren’t going to even produce any pears.

But they did grow.

Pear trees in my Tulsa yard

Sadly, this is the only picture of the little pear trees from those days. There’s another little tree just 20 feet to the right. This picture was taken about year three or four. Check out me and my pickup truck! 

Not quickly mind you, but you could see some new growth every year. And they did withstand the weight of Oklahoma ice storms.

So while they were unimpressive and kind of useless in their non-fruit-bearing state, they were hardy.

They became such a part of our yard that honestly I didn’t notice them too much anymore.

I think one year we hung some Christmas ornaments from the branches but that’s about it.

But over time, their canopies did slowly start to fill in and they took on a healthy roundness.

We had lived there about seven years, and I had now taken on a healthy roundness of my own. I was pregnant with our son.

One afternoon I was so exhausted I remember laying down on the couch for just a few minutes. I realized that I should probably close the blinds before I fell asleep so I wouldn’t wake up in the blistering heat. But I was just too exhausted to get up again, so I drifted off.

I woke up about an hour later to hear the sounds of sweet birds singing in those two trees. I laid there on my pillow and peacefully watched the branches sway back and forth in the wind. It was all very nice and Little House on the Prairie.

And suddenly it hit me.

Holy cow, there’s SHADE coming in the window.

The sun was completely blocked! I wasn’t sweating or anything.

After all those years, the canopies of those two trees had finally grown together to form a complete block against the sun coming in those windows.

Our little trees had matured to the point that they were now… useful.

The process of slow, steady growth that we didn’t even really notice that much had ushered those trees into a new phase that didn’t even seem palatable seven years ago.

But just because we couldn’t see their growth or find their usefulness right away doesn’t mean that potential wasn’t there the whole time.

We’re all so super focused on getting where we want to go and finding our purpose and manifesting an abundant life and all that sexy stuff.

But that’s not the point of it all.

At all.

The point is in the growth.

Your growth through the process is what allows you to step into your usefulness and your purpose.

But good, solid growth takes a long time.

A long time. Those two trees didn’t have the experience or the structure to shade my house in those early years.

They had to wait years to build the root system and longevity to support bigger branches with more leaves and ultimately….shade.

Those trees had the simple task of relying on nature to provide the resources for growth. And it wasn’t overnight.

Growth isn’t always noticeable to you until you need it.

You don’t always realize how much you’ve learned and assimilated experiences until you have to call on that stuff in a pivotal moment.

Like those trees, you don’t realize that your canopy is growing because you’re busy just trying to keep things going.

And you don’t always see how the specific shape you’re taking on is going to be useful to anyone, until the opportunity presents itself.

I needed shade that day, and those trees were in a position to step up and provide that.

No one saw that coming.

Here’s the fortune cookie part of all this:

Growth can serve you and others around you if you trust the process.

Isn’t that the point of growth? Not to heap on yourself but to provide the cooling shade of wisdom and hope to those who need it? To others who are blinded by the heat waves coming into their life?

Maybe you look at your life and don’t think that anything you’ve been through serves a purpose.

Maybe you feel like those trees.

Someone hangs an ornament on you from time to time but honestly you just feel like you’re existing. You’re going through stuff, but why?

Nothing is wasted and every experience matters.

You are growing. And one day you will step into your true role and some of this just may make sense.

Until then, keep growing.

Check out one of the trees today! 👇

It looks like one of the trees didn’t make it, but look how big our little friend is now!

Pear trees today

You can catch episodes of Mental Health Moment by visiting mymentalhealthmoment.com. Don’t forget to subscribe to Mental Health Moment on Amazon Alexa, Apple podcast, Google podcast and Spotify. Just search for “Mental Health Moment with Lori Miller.”

If you want Mental Health Moment delivered right to your inbox, visit mymentalhealthmoment.com to sign up to get these delivered to your email every day.

If you’re STILL wanting for more, you can find articles and videos about stress and mental health, by visiting my website at LoriMiller.me.


This episode was originally published on www.mymentalhealthmoment.com

Thanks for listening!

I’d love to hear what you think!

  • Leave a note below or ask me a question in the comment section below.
  • Share this episode on Pinterest, Facebook, and LinkedIn .

Help spread the message about good mental health!


Get Mental Health Moment 🎧

in your inbox every day.


, , , ,

You can change your brain

You can change your brain.

This is your brain.

This is your brain on drugs.

Do you remember this commercial from the 80s?

The message was that your brain was fragile, like an egg. Doing drugs would crack your brain open and fry it like an IHOP breakfast (they still do breakfast, right? 🍳)

A simple and powerful message. How could that not be true?

Anyone with an addiction history will tell you there can be long-term effects from substance use, even well into recovery.

The overarching message driving this campaign was that you were born with only so many brain cells.

If you kill them, through drugs or alcohol, for example, you don’t ever get them back. One blackout from a night of partying meant millions of brain cells vanished into thin air, just like that.

I’m not sure exactly how many brain cells I was born with, but I’m not keen on losing any more than I have to. As a teenager with giant winged hair, a crisply popped-up collar and a conceivably big future ahead of me, I received that message loud and clear.

Not true.

Thanks to some diligent science people, however, we now know that message was wrong. Because your body was fearfully and wonderfully made, your brain can change and compensate for many things life throws at it.

Your brain, it turns out, is highly flexible and constantly works to adapt to the new requirements placed on it. The clinical term for this is neuroplasticity, and you see it all the time in real life.

  • Recovery after a stroke is the brain adapting and making new connections to relearn some basic functions.
  • Sudden loss of hearing in one ear may strengthen hearing in the other ear to compensate for the loss.
  • Phantom limb sensation experienced by amputees is plasticity at work.

Apparently your brain learns how to rewire itself, change directions and find alternate pathways all the time.

Like MacGyver trying to get out of a locked basement with a roll of duct tape, a Craftsman screwdriver, and a crooked smile.

But plasticity isn’t just limited to injuries or damage. There’s a very practical side to this that can help you in your daily biz.

Your brain can also adapt to new ways of thinking and behaving.

You might think you can’t change some of your behaviors related to depression or anxiety, but you can set up your brain to help you be more successful in your efforts.

The patterns and thinking habits that have been with you since you started using reason and logic as a wee youngster are ingrained as pathways in your brain. It’s what you learned from your earły environmental influences.  It’s just how you’ve “always been.”

You can play a role in getting your brain to change those pathways in a few simple ways.

What you pay attention to

What you focus on is a stimulus to your brain.

Think about that for a second.

Every time you give your attention to something, you are stimulating your brain toward some action.

You can’t choose the thoughts that pop in your head. But you can choose how long you focus on those thoughts and how you decide to handle them.

Sorry, that’s just how it is.

If you are struggling with depression, and you focus on a negative thought or situation, your brain just keeps going down the path you take it.

If you’ve been struggling for a while, your brain doesn’t have to work that hard to take you down the familiar path. It’s been in this part of the labyrinth before.

Your brain likes this path of least resistance because it can conserve energy for something else.

But when you choose to focus on an adaptive thought, or a positive thought, your brain lights up. 💥 It now has to fire differently and make new neural connections to accommodate the new activity.

It’s like when you suddenly realize Google Maps is taking you on a detour and you don’t know where the next rest stop might be…and you just finished a Big Gulp. 🌊

In order to meet the new demand, your brain has to entertain the thought of a different path and determine what resources it needs to get there.

If you manage to keep your focus on more helpful, adaptive thoughts, your brain gets comfortable with that path and it’s easier to override the negative, now less used, paths.

And you just mastered a new thinking skill that will help improve your mood.

Boom. 👊 You didn’t even have to leave the couch for that one.

Move your body

I know I bring this up a lot, but you have to move your body every day to even have a shot at feeling better. You have to disturb your homeostasis, to quote the science people.

Here’s another compelling reason why.

Exercise prevents shrinkage  😳

If you’re still alive, then your brain is aging.

If you’re not exercising, then your brain is shrinking. The gray matter, the part we laymen call “brain,” is reducing in volume.

Exercise increases the volume of gray matter in your brain and reverses that shrinkage.

Apparently size does matter. 😆

This gray matter growth also can contribute to the formation of new blood vessels.

And the pie de resistance: exercise can help your brain regenerate new cells, a process called neurogenesos.

So no more fried egg brain for you.

And all this adds up to improved cognitive function. Studies show one of the best ways to prevent age related cognitive decline is to exercise.

Higher intensity is best but anything will help.

So there you go. Time to take your shrinking brain to the gym.

Free your mind (and the rest will follow 🎶).

The research is still a little back and forth on this one, but meditation appears to have significant changes on the brain.

Apparently just one session can improve blood flow into the prefrontal cortex, which is where all your thinking and planning lives.

But over the long term, meditation may provoke some structural changes in the areas that regulate emotions and assist in learning and memory.

Doesn’t that sound nice?

Meditation doesn’t necessarily mean a long, drawn out session. You can find a space somewhere in your day and meditate for just a few minutes. This can lower your fight or flight responses, which can help you manage anxiety and depression.

There are a gazillion meditation apps for your phone. Try one and see if it doesn’t improve your focus and increase your ability to handle the stuff in your day.

And remember, over time, your brain will come to consider this more calm, relaxed state as the norm.

Your brain is a marvelous machine.

You get to carry it around in your head all the time. Only you know what’s truly going on in there.

Please know that at the end of the day, you can change and control what you do with your marvelous brain. It can be shaped and molded to your specifications (within reason, your Highness).

Make an intentional and purposeful plan to change your brain and see what happens!

Some sources:








Newberg, A.B. , Wintering, N., Waldman, M.R., Amen, D., Khalsa, D.S., Alavi, A. (2010).Cerebral blood flow differences between long-term meditators and non-meditators. Conscious Cogn. ;19(4):899-905.

Hölzel, B.K., Carmody, J., Vangel, M., Congleton, C., Yerramsetti, S.M., Gard, T., Lazar, S.W.(2011). Mindfulness practice leads to increases in regional brain gray matter density. Psychiatry Res. 30;191(1):36-43.


3 ways to help you bend and flex with your life

How many goals did you set this year to improve your resilience?


Not at the top of your list?

Admittedly, resilience gets crowded out by the more action-y stuff we focus on as the new year starts.

  • We set goals to lose weight (again).
  • We make plans to improve our professional skills, or find that dream job.
  • You Type A folks may even be launching a life plan this year to go after like, you know, everything, in your whole entire life. (That sounds easy enough.)

We almost never consider our own resilience, much less how to practice and use it when we need it.

What is resilience, anyway?

We tend to think of resilience as the ability to bounce back from a challenge, and that’s partly true.

  • When life knocks you down, resilience gives you the wherewithal to get back up.
  • When life hands you lemons, you make lemonade (if you have enough lemons thrown at you to make a decent amount of lemonade, you might be having a rough go at it, just sayin’…).

But resilience also is being mentally and emotionally prepared to identify the resources available to you when things get challenging.

If you’re stressed, tired, and full of negative thoughts, it’s hard to care about finding creative ways to get past a difficult situation.

Resilience then, can be more of a mindset that allows you to see the path forward and empowers you to actually walk down that path.

And, as with many things in life, it’s better for you if you build that mindset ahead of time. #sorrythatsjusthowitis

So, how do you build resilience?

The best part is that many of the things we already know about a healthy lifestyle are the very things that build resilience. It’s like life skills double-dipping.

Here are three really good ones you can practice every day:

1. Exercise

Exercise is a most outstanding way to build resilience because it generates blood flow to the brain’s frontal lobe, right behind your forehead. The frontal lobe handles things like planning, logic and organization. These come in handy when you need to make a healthy decision.

Exercise also relieves the negative emotions related to stress. After a long workday, just a 10-minute walk with your dog can boost your mood for several hours (and probably your dog’s mood, too).

I’ll bet you make better decisions about your life when you can stay clear-headed, relaxed and in a positive mood.

And the best part is, you don’t need special skills. You just have to move.

Can you move? Carry on…

2. Be quiet

Quiet time lets us focus on our thoughts and try to figure stuff out.

Thanks to our devices and a limitless supply of entertainment in almost all areas of our lives, we no longer have to suffer the plight of being bored or reflective.

Our brains and souls are drinking daily from a firehose of data with little time to figure out if any of it even makes sense (spoiler alert: most of it doesn’t).

And studies are bearing out that our marvelous brains are starting to notice. Our daily experience now includes:

  • reduced memory and attention spans,
  • constant dopamine rushes from social media interactions, and
  • reduced productivity from multi-tasking.

Finding some time to step away, in some way, for a few minutes each day allows mental space for creativity and problem solving.

You can call it mindfulness or a spiritual practice.

Just carve out 15 quiet minutes for yourself to:

  • Pray,
  • Let your mind wander,
  • Breathe deeply,
  • Ask yourself questions about what you’re feeling,
  • Journal,
  • Draw, or
  • Let the sacred words of wiser ones than you pour into your soul.

Having said that, resilience does require some boundaries on all that thinking.

3. What are you thinking?

While we can’t help the thoughts that pop in to our minds, we do have complete control over what we allow to roil and take root.

Allowing unchallenged thoughts to linger can quickly become rumination, obsessing over the same negative thoughts until you make yourself feel really bad.

Like a cow chewing its cud.

Rumination is one of the hardest thinking habits to change.

  • It’s never forward-focused.
  • It always dwells on past wrongs or failures.
  • It’s a natural predator of resilience.

Resilience, however, requires you to

  • Find your strengths,
  • Look for possibilities, and
  • Focus on what you can bring to the situation.

So in order to bolster your resilience, you’re going to have to do a whole lot better than rumination.

Start being the gatekeeper for your marvelous brain.

How much news do you consume?

What’s more backwards-focused than the news? Its very nature is things that have happened in the past.

The news is now particularly negative and vicious, and it feeds many of our anxieties about what’s not working in our lives.

Take a week off from it and see if it doesn’t change how you think.

What positive, forward-focused things are you reading or listening to?

Focus on material that will build your skills, build your faith, or help you build a resilient attitude about life.

Self-help is a multi-billion dollar industry. There’s something out there for what you need.

I like listening to motivational speaker Les Brown because he reminds me that I am responsible for my own change, which is a little scary, but that I can totally do it. Yes!

Who do you pay attention to?

You’ve heard it before. You are the sum total of the five people you associate with.

What do your five talk about? Do their comments and conversations build people up, or tear down?

Do they always focus on what’s gone wrong? And who’s gone wrong?

This will have an effect on your thinking, I promise.

You may need to upgrade your five.

Resilience is a marathon.

Keep in mind that building resilience is a lifelong endeavor.

You will never do the end zone dance of resilience, and there’s no Golden Globe for the Most Resilient Performance in a Life Drama (or Comedy).

So, go ahead, put resilience on your list of goals to crush in the new year, but you won’t be able to really check it off.

I know, that’s annoying.

What you can check off, though, is the fact that you are helping yourself a little bit each day to build the courage to face your challenges and take action.

That’s golden.

Spend this year improving your ability to bend and flex with your life.