When you first met, you only saw the joy of each other.

The romantic ways you both expressed that joy was front and center, learning each others’ stories and struggles, the lifelong promise of someone who “gets” you.

Sure, you may have envisioned there would be some hard times, but you saw yourself going through those challenges hand-in-hand, with understanding and care for each other.

The reality may now look a little different.

• You argue constantly and nothing is ever resolved.
• You don’t trust your significant other with your true feelings because he or she may use them against you.
• There’s surely no hand-in-hand, or even touching.
• You can’t seem to resolve any problems at all, even little ones, so you just quit talking about any problems at all. It’s not worth the struggle.
• Does your partner even love you? You may not even feel confident about that.
• Maybe they cheated on you. How in the world can you fix that? Should you even try?

The mechanics of life as a couple may be going forward, but your relationship has stalled, and you know it.

You know you need help, but how can talking about your issues, especially with a complete stranger, resolve them?

You’ve already been communicating to death, and it’s a no-go.

Successful marriages and relationships are not about having better communication skills.

Romantic relationships need good communication, yes. But talking more isn’t really where it’s at.

What successful relationships absolutely do require is the ability to solve conflict. And not just resolve the issue, but do it in a way that honors the experiences and perceptions of both people.

This is hard to do on your own. You may need an objective person to come alongside and help you with this.

Your couples therapist can work with both of you to discover the skills you already have, and use those to develop healthy ways of working together.

Ways  that you both can agree on.

Your couples therapist is not your referee.

Instead, he or she is your coach to help you discover your specific communication style as a couple.

Once you better understand how you’ve been working together so far, you can use that information to learn the skills that can help you move on together – hand-in-hand.

Rebuild your relationship and grow together again!